These Words from A Father That Saved Us as a First-Time Father

"I think I was simply trying to survive for twelve months."

Former reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey thought he would to cope with the challenges of becoming a dad.

But the truth soon turned out to be "completely different" to his expectations.

Serious health complications during the birth resulted in his partner Louise hospitalised. Suddenly he was forced into becoming her main carer while also caring for their baby boy Leo.

"I took on every night time, every nappy change… every stroll. The duty of both mum and dad," Ryan explained.

After eleven months he burnt out. That was when a chat with his father, on a bench in the park, that led him to understand he required support.

The simple phrases "You are not in a good place. You need some help. In what way can I help you?" opened the door for Ryan to talk openly, ask for help and find a way back.

His story is far from unique, but infrequently talked about. While society is now better used to talking about the stress on mums and about postpartum depression, far less attention is paid about the challenges new fathers face.

Asking for help is not weak to seek assistance

Ryan believes his struggles are symptomatic of a broader failure to communicate among men, who continue to hold onto harmful perceptions of manhood.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the fortress that just takes the pounding and stays upright every time."

"It isn't a display of being weak to ask for help. I didn't do that quick enough," he clarifies.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert focusing on mental health before and after childbirth, explains men often don't want to acknowledge they're struggling.

They can feel they are "not a legitimate person to be asking for help" - especially in front of a mum and baby - but she emphasises their mental well-being is equally important to the family.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad provided him with the opportunity to ask for a pause - taking a couple of days away, away from the home environment, to see things clearly.

He came to see he had to make a shift to consider his and his partner's feelings as well as the practical tasks of caring for a infant.

When he was honest with Louise, he discovered he'd failed to notice "what she was yearning" -holding her hand and hearing her out.

Reparenting yourself'

That realisation has reshaped how Ryan views fatherhood.

He's now writing Leo regular notes about his experiences as a dad, which he hopes his son will see as he matures.

Ryan hopes these will help his son to better grasp the language of emotion and interpret his parenting choices.

The concept of "self-parenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen was without stable male guidance. Even with having an "incredible" relationship with his dad, long-standing emotional pain caused his father had difficulty managing and was "present intermittently" of his life, making difficult their relationship.

Stephen says bottling up feelings resulted in him make "bad decisions" when younger to alter how he felt, seeking comfort in drink and drugs as an escape from the hurt.

"You turn to things that don't help," he says. "They may briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will eventually make things worse."

Advice for Coping as a New Dad

• Talk to someone - if you're feeling under pressure, tell a friend, your partner or a therapist how you're feeling. Doing so may to lighten the load and make you feel more supported.
• Maintain your passions - keep doing the pursuits that allowed you to feel like the person you were before the baby arrived. It could be playing sport, seeing friends or a favourite hobby.
• Don't ignore the body - eating well, staying active and where possible, sleep, all are important in how your mental state is faring.
• Spend time with other first-time fathers - listening to their experiences, the difficult parts, along with the joys, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Know that seeking help is not failure - prioritising your own well-being is the most effective way you can look after your family.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the death, having been out of touch with him for a long time.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's committed not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his child and instead offer the security and emotional support he lacked.

When his son starts to have a meltdown, for example, they do "shaking the feelings out" together - processing the frustrations constructively.

The two men Ryan and Stephen explain they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they faced their pain, changed how they express themselves, and taught themselves to regulate themselves for their children.

"I'm better… sitting with things and handling things," states Stephen.

"I expressed that in a letter to Leo the other week," Ryan shares. "I expressed, at times I think my purpose is to guide and direct you what to do, but in reality, it's a dialogue. I am understanding an equal amount as you are in this journey."